what's next?

We're having major issues now.. I swear this has been a total rollar coaster of a ride emotionally. Yesterday i was so happy and optimistic. Then we got a call from the billing part of the agency our first failed match was through looking for more money. They want the living expenses from the time that we knew that the birthmom may not place with us on. We'd been told that if she didnt place then we would not owe.. well.. she didnt place clearly. And they want the money. I am just so frustrated and feel like now when i need it most my support systems are all gone. We went out of our way to ensure taht we would not get scammed or needlessly lose money and i can't help but feel like we lost alot of money quite needlessly and we have a big bill hanging over us still. I keep being told to just wait and not worry about it but two months later I am worried about it. we just don't operate that way because that is not the right thing to do. when we owe people we pay them.. and now they say we owe, but we do not and therefore aren't paying. I am not getting any signs of caring for me as a person who is just sad hurt and upset by all of this from my referal agency or the adoption agency itself. That really hurts when we have tried so hard to really do right by everyone and be model adoptive parents. I mean, this is how I'm going to have a baby.. i want it to be special. ANd right now it's doing nothing but making my heart ache more than it already has. which i totally didnt think was possible after infertility and two failed matches. Now i feel like i have lost friends over it too but i guess maybe I was wrong in who are friends and who are business associates? ugh. I just don't know what to do right now and am so heartbroken and stressed. to top it all off our home computers are not connecting to the internet and i'm working at the office today when i should be working from home today where i could at least cry freely. I am going to copy this post over to my blog for today i think (that site is blocked here at work so i can't write to it from work). hopefully by the time i get to doing that copy over I'll have some better news to add but right now i can't say much more than just a very sad face. i am just really upset that i'm trying so hard to be a good person and do right and i feel like such a faillure in all of it. I feel like i should have never signed with any private entities for adopting and ashamed taht i'm contributing to the money making business that "making famiies" has become in some cases. i'm releived it is the weekend because i need some time to make peace with all of this. sorry.. i feel like i'm always complaining here... and today it's not so much as a complaint but a release. I haven't always been a really nice or caring person. I mean i never really did anything out right wrong or cruel or mean, but over the last couple years I've been actively trying to be more caring and considerate and put alot of value and energy into friends and family and really building good relationships with everyone i possibly can. I do more volunteer work and am more religious. I try to be the person I want my children to admire and aspire to be. I try to treat everyone the way i want my baby to be treated through otu life. And i've been happy with the way karma's treated me.. til today. now i am just plain sad at how the world's working with me.. or rather how it's not working with me.