mixed emotions..

Well! I am getting very excited. I have done the very best I can to put the nerves and frustration away that came last week from our adoption debacle.. that's kind of what this has become...
Thursday we go to an open house at our state's department of children and families! I'm so excited to meet the people there and learn more about adopting through the state. I know that this won't be easy or lacking in stress but it has to be better then sitting around just waiting right?.. I hope???
We were told about two possible situations yesterday, neither of which feels quite right. I am certainly gun-shy after our first "match" and failure and all the money and heartache lost. I'm scared to death to trust that agency (or anyone for that matter) anymore. I just don't know what is right anymore and have lost faith in the good in people... something I'd only recently thought was a real thing anyhow... now I feel like I was right all along to not trust..
So who knows.. I won't get into the details of the situations yet since you never know how they turn out clearly, but one of them I am not sure the PBM is really ready to place and I don't want her to have regrets ever so she needs to decide.. and the baby is already four months old. I'm not sure what to say on that. Sounds fine but at the same time by the time this is all set should she decide to place, the child will be about the same age as any we could get from a foreign adoption which I have to think would have been more cut and dry then this trip's been for us. We chose domestic to experience every last second of our first child.
The other situation makes me uncomfortable. I feel like the agency may be looking for more money from us on this one then is really truly needed and I'm over sensitive to that right now. And rightfully so (in everyone's opinion but our agency and referral agency..). I am sad that this will look like us turning down a possible placement because the baby is full AA in race, but that's not the case. It is just discomfort with the entire situation at this time. We are open to full AA children, but I think we will only do it through our state's program now that we are looking to work with them. It is almost certain we will get a placement that way with some patience and with no further expenses incurred.. so I'll hold off.
On a lighter note, my four legged baby turns one this Friday!!! I cannot believe he is one year already!!!! He has matured so much in the last year it is incredible but at the same time he has such a baby like love-ability (lol.. sorry.. I tend to make up words when needed...) that I just want to keep him tucked under my arm or snoring in my lap at all times! So I'll be making him an extra batch of ice cream for sure this weekend and maybe looking up cake recipes too.. or going to the gourmet dog bakery near us to see what they have.. oh so many choices!!! I just gave him a ton of new toys last weekend so there is nothing he really needs... hmmm... oh well.. a little something to celebrate is just what we need!! He is really the light of our life and I want to be sure he knows how much we appreciate and adore him!!!!
Okay, I know I sound absurd lol... but I just cannot help it.. he is so special in ways I'm not really convinced that all dogs are... although he's my first dog so maybe they are? My husband has had a few growing up and swears that this one is like no other he's ever had.. the love and understanding passed between us and him is just so special.
Okay... that's it for now:)
allie