Well this has been a busy week!
Monday- I wrote a post.. just put it up.
Tuesday- I worked but spent the afternoon on the phone with the adoption agencies. Both the original agency we had a placement through and the referral agency. Things are better with them. I spoke with the actual agency and they were so very nice. I feel much better about them after talking to them and whatnot. I was given a situation to consider and after more thought and some budge on their side financially, we decided to have our profile shown. I am happy. We are compromising on the outstanding payments they want for our first failed match. We were told we owe none of it. They don't believe that that is true. So. Here we are out more money that we don't have. The referral agency was supposed to take care of it and straighten things out but they were only able to have the fee's deferred. Not at all helpful really.
It was good to speak directly to the agency though and we were able to come up with a middle ground that is agreeable to both of us.
Our profile was given to the birthmom Tuesday night and she decided that she would like to talk to us and likely go with us Friday. She did not even look at any other couples profiles.
Wednesday- Valentines day! It snowed big time which was fun. It was so fun to see Bob in the snow. It was a nice cozy V-day for all. It is my favorite little holiday:)
Thursday- We were snowed in still and I had a nice relaxing day at home with Bob. I got to work from home and it was just so nice and quiet and cozy. Thursday night Matt drove Bob and I to a doggie V-day Party that was just a blast. It was so exhausting for bob it was hilarious. He made so many friends and had so much fun playing with a bunch of dogs his size. He wore him self out quick and we went home with plans to return next week. It was just more fun then I can put into words for all of us. just so funny and silly really!
Friday- Well; after what felt like forever, we found out that the birthmom chose us. She wanted us to call Friday night. I told the agency how scared I am to commit to her. I just am so afraid to lose money on this situation. If we lose more money we can't afford to keep trying. We just can't pay BM fees for the better part of a year with out a placement and it is scary to think that that could really happen. The agency insists this seems like a great situation and the birthmom seems committed with her decision but we have heard that before and are scared. They suggested we talk to her and make our decision after that. We tried to call but her phone wasn't working and I had a migraine so no call in the end.

Today we were able to talk to the birthmom, I'll call LT. She was incredible. She was just so nice and such a great person. I think she is just amazing. I can't wait to get to know her further.

The call went well. Too well.. M wants to say "no" to the situation all together now actually it went so well. It was almost like it was scripted how good things went. She did not tell her family. She doesn't want them to talk her out of it. She graduates college this spring. She's engaged to a guy that is not the baby's PBD (how they know that though I'm not sure actually.. as I'm typing that seems like something that could be answered, but really.. also seems like something that later could be something I'll look back on as a big flag that screams Lies..) She said she was recently looking online and saw all kinds of reasons couples cannot have children and wanted to help a couple like that some day. Like it is something she wanted to do as volunteer work at some point in her life.. Which is nice and I thank God there are people who think that, but.... is this for real? Just being the typical negative nelly from the northeast... sounds unreal. I'm so scared. We are going to take a few days to decide officially what to do we told the agency. I don't believe there is a cap on what we can spend on her expenses but I will have to double check. We can expect from our past experience that it is about 1200 a month in expenses we can plan for. This PBM knows that we've had failed matches and said she can't imagine how hard that would be for us. I hope that anyone with half a conscience would walk away before scamming us again. But who knows. M is concerned that she was given our profile then told the agency she did not want or need to see any others. She just chose us and that was that. I don't know. I mean eventually we have to trust someone and hope things happen. I just don't know. I wish there was some magic answer to how things will turn out. Unfortunately her due date is pushed out to 3.15 now so we'd be liable for a solid month's worth of fees at minimum if she places or not. I feel so ready to trust her. I want to go down now and hug her so tight. M wants to say no and avoid another scam and heartache, and I feel like we're walking into a trap again. But I think that I will feel that every time now really. so that's our update:(
I'm just so scared. I want to run over and jump up and down with happy tears. We got to see sonogram pictures and I"m beside myself with happy. I can't believe we could have a little girl soon!! I just can't believe it!!! But I can't let myself believe that it will really happen either.
So. that's where things stand.
Why does this have to be so darn hard?? I just don't understand it!